The Electric Egg Cream

Neil Neches has the awkward yet proud distinction as being the only person since David Berkowitz (”The Son of Sam”) publicly recognized for his correct use of the semicolon. An employee in the New York City transit authority’s marketing/service department, Neches made a little-noticed literary embellishment to a much-noticed placard hanging in the city’s subways.

The sign which read “Please put it in a trash can,” appeared incomplete and inadequate to Neches; he wanted to add a bit more to that line. In a bold and invigorating outpouring of creativity, he preceded with a semicolon “that’s good news for everyone.” The new placard, now hanging in the lower depths of urban travel, reads “Please put it in a trash can; that’s good news for everyone.” 

Naturally, this wasn’t an earth-shattering event…not even FOX featured this one as “Breaking News.” However, it’s nice to know that some people still care about grammatical and literary excellence (wherever it may be) in a society that ignores even a proper attempt at correct spelling. Personally, I’m constantly mystified by the semicolon and sometimes what its purpose in the universe is all about. This half-assed, strange looking symbol being the cause of many half-assed errors in my student days when proper grammar used to be important.

I should have suspected something when, over thirty years ago, columnist Jimmy Breslin received a series of rambling handwritten notes from a maniac and was very impressed. He wasn’t so much impressed by the ravings but by the correct usage of the semicolon to express these ravings. Of course, this was none other than David Berkowitz, of whom Breslin said was the “only murderer he ever encountered who could wield a semicolon just as well as a revolver.” To which, Sam Richards of the NY Times adds, “he’s now serving an even longer sentence.”

nytimes.com/2008/02/18/nyregion/…

I know what you’re probably thinking, but the above photo IS NOT of me and my wife relaxing at home. We’re too sophisticated and discreet for such activities (at least, not when the cameras are rolling and the public is drooling) and generally maintain a energetic if low profile. Besides, the scenario in question would cause me to have a happy but fatal heart attack.

That’s porn star Angelina Valentine pictured with an extremely satisfied customer at the 507 Bar and Grill on Grand Street in Williamsburg. Valentine, along with four other adult film thespians, will be appearing at the Bar and Grill these days to proclaim Brooklyn (well blow me down!!!) as the “naughtiest place in America.” This sensual proclamation/promotion, however, will be at a private(!) affair at the bar for invited epicureans and concupiscent aficionados . Needless to say, many residents aren’t very pleased (even more weren’t invited) with this sort of entertainment and are voicing their protests…lending the gala added publicity.

The Brooklyn Paper Reports: “On hand (and perhaps on the bar) at the April 26 party will be Mika Tan (whose credits include SLANT EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY), Alexis Texas (BOMBSHELL BOTTOMS 3, HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT), Ava Devine (BABYSITTER 17), Abbey Brooks (MY SISTER’S HOT FRIEND II), and newcomer Angelina Valentine (BARELY 18 36).”

The phenomena that suddenly appear in post-9/11 New York are too marvelous for our humble words and modest actions; they lie beyond our workaday existence to better comprehend. I remember a time when Williamsburg was more famous for criminal not carnal activities, before intentional and accidental yuppies (such as myself) moved in on the miraculous waves of gentrification and sporadic rent control.

And to think, while this sensual exhibition is (or was) going on in our neighborhood, my wife and I were sitting quietly at home watching our Complete Fred Astaire/ Ginger Rodgers film collection. We do have to get out more often and observe this naughty state of affairs.

Source: Gersh Kuntzman  brooklynpaper.com/stories/31/16/…

Congressman Vito Fossella, the Dudley Do-Right by default of Staten Island, was arrested for drunk driving yesterday in Alexandria, Virginia. Police were silent in regard to Fosella’s arrest and didn’t reveal whether or not the congressman passed a field sobriety test, but told THE BROOKLYN PAPER that he was detained and will have to appear for a hearing in Alexandria General District Court on May 12.

“Staten Island’s self-appointed patron saint may not be so saintly after all. Can’t wait to see how his team spins this,” posted a person with the screen name Meliann.

Fossella, 43, stated: “Last night I made an error in judgment. As a parent, I know that taking even one drink of alcohol before getting behind the wheel of a car is wrong. I apologize to my family and the constituents of the 13th Congressional District for embarrassing them, as well as myself.” I only wish we would consider our own errors in judgement that, lately, we seem to elect more and more of these losers (BOTH Democrat and Republican) in the first place.

(Update: Reportedly, Fossella’s “error in judgement” was more than twice over the legal limit in Virginia.)

Source:  brooklynpaper.com

 Even though her fans would find this tantamount to heresy, I never liked Madonna…not as a performer, not as a person. While I recognized her talent and acknowledged her versatility (I was one of the few who thought she was great as Evita), her massive catalogue of gaudy stunts and vulgar exhibitions were a wonder to behold. In short, I found her to be annoying.

 Then again, whereas time heals all wounds, time also nurtures acceptance. At 49, Madonna is only five years younger than me. Few performers who reached her level of sensational extravangance, have remained as relevantly and physically intact. For nearly thirty years, her indomitable persona and savvy have made her a legend in her own time; something of a habit in the shaky world of popular music and tradition. She was always there, blaring colorfully in the wings, as we both grew distantly and uniquely older. I have to respect a fellow traveler of mine who endured so well and accomplished so much as a product of the Baby Boom Generation.

She’s pictured above performing at the Roseland Ballroom, here in New York City, where she performed a half-hour set for MTV. A rare departure from her spectacular venues, the Roseland’s atmosphere is very small and intimate. Fans waited nearly two days for tickets.

Source: nytimes.com/slideshow/2008/05/01…

In the lawsuit, Dupre contends that she was only 17 at the time and not old enough to enter into a contract. She was on spring break in Florida and merrily drunk when told to sign a release form for Francis’ GGW television extravaganza…featuring sultry bunnies, puerile exuberance and bouncing beach balls. In the five years since, the fact that Dupre has obviously matured and gained rich experience will definitely not be overlooked if the case goes to court. But when there’s a buck to be made, you have to love these most unlikely people’s soap opera strategy and sense of humor in advancing their avocational potential to the level of vocational reward. But she certainly is pretty and could have this old goat’s… …but that’s not important.