There are certain sects of religious fanatics (or psychotics) out there whose sole mission in life is to make life utterly miserable for those not sharing in their mission and, hence, not equally miserable. Every day and every night, while the world endlessly strives towards sweet delight, they tirelessly endeavor to bring endless night to one and all. They’re not content to merely rain on everyone’s parade but also seek to ravage anything even approaching a good time with fire and brimstone: the final revenge for those who can’t get no satisfaction today and tirelessly pray and/or conspire that the world’s inhabitants get even less tomorrow…including mice, whether real or fictional.
“Death To The Infidel Mickey!,” reads the caption in the National Enquirer, that legendarily awful and notoriously untrustworthy virtuoso of yellow journalism. Now that I’m online I don’t have to wait until I’m in the supermarket check-out line to sneak a peek at this rag and observe such intriguing headlines…indeed, I don’t have to suffer the public embarrassment of actually reading the article. But in this day and age, as the absurd becomes more and more the norm, stories published in the Enquirer are far more anticlimactic than revealing; this story was no exception.
Saudi cleric Sheikh Muhammad Munajid (a barrel of laughs, I’m sure, between jihads) “has claimed the cartoon mouse – as well as Tom and Jerry -are nothing more than ‘Satan’s Soldiers’” Munajid (definitely NOT a former Mousketeer in the Mickey Mouse Club) states that under Sharia Law “both real mice and their animated counterparts must be killed.” (But Tom is a cat!!!…I suppose it’s guilt by association.) This devout and lovable former diplomat at the Saudi Embassy “was teaching Islam’s views on -al-Majad TV, an Arabic net, when he made his startling declaration of war.”
Because this is a National Enquirer story, I’ll doubt its credibility…that a story appears in the National Enquirer is, in and of itself, reason enough for doubt. I’ll allow that the Sheikh might have been quoted out of context, delivered his Mickey Mouse Crusade in a humorous or off-the-cuff manner, or had heard the Mickey Mouse March anthem “M-I-C-K-E-Y…” and sank into a brief but chaotic state of catalepsy, etc..
However, in those distant days before 9/11, if I had read that 19 social nomads would hijack four planes that would vanish off the radar, crashing them into a skyscraper complex that would effectively vanish off the face of the earth, etc., my sense of disbelief would have had to vanish into another dimension to even slightly believe it. I would simply write it off as yet another twisted National Enquirer kind of story…such things could only appear in these kind of publications. Isn’t that so? (Oh, Annette Funicello, where are you?)
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September 26th, 2008 - 12:47 am
Bizarre, and more bizarre. I usually only believe Jon Stewart on The Daily Show.
September 26th, 2008 - 1:29 am
I like reading supermarket tabloids while standing in check-out lines. Nothing like killing a little time with how a space alien made love to a vacuum cleaner.
September 26th, 2008 - 2:38 am
Thanks, Jack, and welcome to the Electric Egg Cream–your source for baseless yet thrilling information.
I’m with you in regard to tabloids. However, I only look at the pictures…these are much more profound than the writing.
Suzann~Yes, it’s bizarre. However, when we observe the like of this 2008 Presidential Race, the bizarre comes as no surprise with every sunrise. If anything, these ideological fiends do have a unique and unconsciously droll sense of humor…which is more than the political hacks running this joint can say.
Thanks, Suzann (Once again, it’s only “castles burning.”)